I'm having one of those days where I feel like crying and I'm really not sure why. Maybe it's the financial stress, maybe it's the loneliness, or maybe it a little bit of both. I just feel like I can't seem to find any sort of happiness in my life (besides Mason, of course). I feel like I work and I work and I strive to be better and to make a good life for me and my son, and I keep getting held back. It's like I keep hitting roadblocks at every turn.

And, of course, this self-esteem issue is starting to cause me problems. I know that I've put on alot of weight...the last I weighed myself, last week, I was 181 pounds. I've NEVER weighed this much. I have the worst self-image, but my problem is that I eat when I'm depressed and I'm ALWAYS depressed these days.

I want to fix it. I've tried medications, and all that they do is make me feel like a zombie. And therapy helps, but only temporarily. I just want to feel better about myself and about my life. I know that I'm a great person and I know that I have alot going for me....so why can't I just be happy?

Sometimes, I feel so lonely that I can hardly stand it.

And, sometimes I just wish that someone was interested in me romantically (someone who's not crazy). It's not that I need a man to make me happy, because I don't. But, I've been alone for so long, minus the occasional fling-gone-wrong. Five years of being single (and I'm not counting D.W., because we were together for a WEEK before I found out about Jessica, and he didn't even live here).

I think it's even tougher being a mom and raising a kid when you have noone to share it with.

I Just want someone to really, truly care about me enough to want to be with me. I want to find love like so many of the people in my life have.



Sorry for the emo rant. Being alone is just starting to get to me, I guess.