If you ask me why I came into this world, I will tell you...

Thoughts...

May. 16th, 2008 at 2:54 PM

I'm having one of those days where I feel like crying and I'm really not sure why. Maybe it's the financial stress, maybe it's the loneliness, or maybe it a little bit of both. I just feel like I can't seem to find any sort of happiness in my life (besides Mason, of course). I feel like I work and I work and I strive to be better and to make a good life for me and my son, and I keep getting held back. It's like I keep hitting roadblocks at every turn.

And, of course, this self-esteem issue is starting to cause me problems. I know that I've put on alot of weight...the last I weighed myself, last week, I was 181 pounds. I've NEVER weighed this much. I have the worst self-image, but my problem is that I eat when I'm depressed and I'm ALWAYS depressed these days.

I want to fix it. I've tried medications, and all that they do is make me feel like a zombie. And therapy helps, but only temporarily. I just want to feel better about myself and about my life. I know that I'm a great person and I know that I have alot going for me....so why can't I just be happy?

Mood: tired
Music:the sound of the dryer

Comments

( Leave a comment )

nmdrkangl wrote:

May. 16th, 2008 08:02 pm (UTC)

three simple words.

"I'm somebody's fetish."

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entropic_system wrote:

May. 16th, 2008 08:02 pm (UTC)

Happiness is one of those things that you just have to keep convincing yourself of until you believe it. Is it nice out? Take the kid for a walk.

Just try to find one thing every day that makes you smile or laugh. Focus on that and strive to have one every day.

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spudfader wrote:

May. 16th, 2008 08:03 pm (UTC)

That's a struggle. You have to look deep within yourself. What would make you happy or happier? How can you feel better about yourself, your situation? What deep below is haunting you. There are a lot of how's and what's but no easy fixes.

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dear__jamie wrote:

May. 16th, 2008 08:28 pm (UTC)

its going around doll.
this too shall pass!

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bitsofmymind wrote:

May. 16th, 2008 08:30 pm (UTC)

I miss you!!!!!

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majesticseas wrote:

May. 16th, 2008 09:29 pm (UTC)

Smile! Even when you don't feel like it, if you smile, your body will think that you are happy and if you do it enough, you will feel better! At least it works for me.. :D

My therapist helped me to be more aware of my automatic thoughts, and then to change them. It really helped writing it down every time I caught myself thinking negative thoughts like "Oh, I'm so tired" and "I can't do this". I realized I was thinking the same things over and over and over. And once I was aware of this, I had to remind myself every single time that "no, you're not tired, you're just thinking it". It really helped!

But I know financial trouble can be stressful, but don't let it take control and define you. You're not bad even though your economy is!!!

A few months ago I was really depressed, but I feel better already. I hope I can help! :)

Lots of love!!

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doc_neuro wrote:

May. 16th, 2008 09:41 pm (UTC)

perhaps its escaped your notice but you're, y'know, tall. 181 is not an abnormal weight for someone of your height. which is besides the fact that from where I sit it seems like whenever you gain weight it goes to all the right places. while this may not change how you see yourself (women always have unrealistic body expectations and around here negative self-image seems to come standard) but you should take comfort in knowing that nobody but you sees you that way.

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circumstancess wrote:

May. 16th, 2008 11:29 pm (UTC)

I think I like that "numb feeling". I've been on antidepressants for almost 4 years now. I stop taking them every once in awhile because I like to remember what it feels like to have a sex drive sometimes, lol. Other than that, I like the way it makes me "not care" about things as much as the ocd really makes me overly care. I guess it depends on the person. I hope things get better soon though, it might just be the weather. It really messes with me like that, I'm really going through some shit right now...which is why I haven't been updating :/

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ciararavenblaze wrote:

May. 16th, 2008 11:48 pm (UTC)

*big hug*

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walrusforme wrote:

May. 17th, 2008 04:45 am (UTC)

My doc just put me on Cymbalta. So far, its helping.
And I know what you mean about the weight. I gained 40 POUNDS this semester. Ive never weighed this much either.
Hope things get better...
xo

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bitsofmymind wrote:

May. 17th, 2008 04:47 am (UTC)

Are you back in Slidell?

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walrusforme wrote:

May. 17th, 2008 05:25 am (UTC)

Yep! Finished moving all my crap today!

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bitsofmymind wrote:

May. 17th, 2008 05:49 am (UTC)

We seriously need to hang out!

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walrusforme wrote:

May. 17th, 2008 03:07 pm (UTC)

Yes we do!!! I have your phone number so Ill call you. You probably have mine too. I wanna see that little man of yours! :)

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bitsofmymind wrote:

May. 17th, 2008 03:29 pm (UTC)

Not sure which one you have...my number now is 641-5692....it's changed a few times, so I wanted to make sure that you have the right one. :)

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walrusforme wrote:

May. 19th, 2008 03:41 am (UTC)

Oh ok I dont think I had that one. I'll def give you a call! I have dentist appointments tommorow and wednesday, but on Sunday my sister is bringing my 1 year old nephew for me to babysit him for a week while her and her husband go on vacation. Maybe one day when we're both free, we could have a play date :) That would be fun. I'll give you a ring soon!

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bitsofmymind wrote:

May. 19th, 2008 03:54 am (UTC)

That would be fun!!!!

Do you know of anyone wanting to make a few extra bucks this week? I'm trying to find someone I can hire as a babysitter Tuesday through Saturday from 5-9 each night...not sure how much I can afford to pay, but me and whoever can figure something out. I'd be able to pay them Friday night, after I get my paycheck cashed.

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